PROFESSIONALS vs. MANAGERS

Professionals are a sad, embittered race of highly educated, dedicated human beings who are licensed, certified or have other demonstrated expertise in their chosen fields. They are very much in demand in times of crisis, but sink resentfully into obscurity in times of normalcy. This is because they deal in facts, but must live in a world of people who believe only in theory. In theory, there isn't any difference between theory and fact, but in fact, there is. In times of crisis, management, or lack thereof, is very much fact. In times of normalcy, management is mostly theory. The people who practice management, who exploit professionals in times of crisis but ignore and abuse them in times of normalcy, are called "managers".

Professionals hate managers!

Managers are a happy, blessed race of godlike beings who live on Mount Olympus, sometimes known as "Mahogany Row." They are elevated to this sublime position simply by being chosen by other managers to join their blessed realm. There is no other qualification. There are so many of them that they have different names, like "director" and "vice president." They eat only ambrosia, which is food prepared in ways that consume money, and drink only nectar, which is the distilled product of fermented fruits, vegetables and grains.

They have enormous power. They can produce progress simply by spending enormous sums of taxpayers' money. They create efficiency by reorganizing, and democracy by appointing "teams." They are able to predict the future by using "analyses" and to change physical laws by simply declaring that they are not so. They often gather at secret religious rituals called "executive meetings," where they worship more senior managers. During times of normalcy, they can be seen striding about, radiating authority, confidence and power, or else lounging in their offices, reading reports and mentally rehearsing the conquest and subjugation of lesser beings.

During times of crisis, they stride more slowly and less confidently. This is because each manager carries on his back at least one professional. During times of crisis, the manager knows that at any time the professional can lean forward and whisper in his ear, "No, that's not so," or, "If you do that, you may go to jail!"

Managers fear professionals!

Romping along beside the managers are people called "chiefs" and "supervisors." Their purpose in life is to entertain managers by going to meetings and showing the managers complicated, laboriously prepared charts and graphs. Going to meetings are what chiefs and supervisors do instead of working. When they do work, they write reports for managers to read while they are not being entertained. Because all chiefs and supervisors dream of becoming managers, they ignore professionals or mistreat them. Sometimes a manager will discipline errant chiefs or supervisors by telling them what it is that professionals do. This sometimes gives the chiefs and supervisors nightmares. But they soon forget the nightmares and go back to ignoring and mistreating the professionals, especially if a manager invites them to one of his executive meetings.

Professionals despise chiefs and supervisors!

Once in a great while a professional is chosen to be a manager. When he does, he has to associate with other managers whom he hates, be entertained by chiefs and supervisors whom he despises, and carry around on his back a professional whom he fears.

This is why professionals who get to be managers drink too much nectar, get ulcers, and cannot eat their ambrosia!

John Lindorfer
Certified Safety Professional
Professional Engineer
Certified Manager
(Retired)