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| "American Soldiers" by Kalat, after 1st Sgt. Glen Simpson 4th Infantry Division, Iraq |
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| "American Soldiers" by Kalat, after 1st Sgt. Glen Simpson 4th Infantry Division, Iraq |
The "Y2K Problem" had a lot of people really worried! For those who don't remember, the Y2K Problem involved computers with Microsoft operating systems that used only the last two digits of the year. They thought the year 2000 was 99 years before 1999 instead of one year after. According to some, this was going to cause the complete destruction of human civilization and ultimate extinction of the genus Homo. People were hoarding all sorts of things for the coming catastrophe. My Mormon inlaws were all prepared with a pantry containing a year's worth of food. One moron even built a fortress out in the desert, complete with self-contained power and water purification capability and machine guns to repel the hordes of starving, Microsoft-less savages bent on invading his property and ravaging his wife and children.
Macintosh computers were completely immune to the Y2K Problem, but that's another story.
The ball at Times Square started its inexorable drop into the future! FIVE! FOUR! THREE! TWO! ONE! HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Nothing happened!
(Well, actually not nothing exactly. The clocks kept running. Civilization kept going. I became officially retired. The computer program used to calibrate the x-ray radiation detectors at Lockheed Martin in New Orleans mistakenly reported that the calibration source was 99 years more intense than it actually was, but that was easily noticed and fixed. Some computerized elevators in New York shut down because they thought they hadn't had maintenance in 99 years. Some Windows clocks had to be reset. In the TV series Futurama, Philip J. Frey was accidentally locked in a cryogenic storage container for 1000 years. Otherwise, zilch!)
I wonder how that moron out in Arizona is doing?
I was reminded of all this the other day when I ran across a website titled, "How To Avoid the Draft Or National Service," ostensibly written, at least in part by, and here I quote, "D. R. Graham Ret. Sci. Instr. & Ret. Mil. Off'r, AUS"
If I were "D. R. Graham." I probably wouldn't want my full name associated with this crap either. Besides being a "Ret. Sci. Instr. & Ret. Mil. Off'r, AUS," he's also a "ignrnt ashol" and a "cmplt mron" as well as a "stpd jrk!" According to him, there is no lawful way that the US Government can make one go into the military because of the Constitutional prohibition against "involuntary servitude." What a load of monkey droppings! Forcing you to obey the law by joining the military is no more "involuntary servitude" than closing a gate to keep you out of a restricted area. His ideas on "how to avoid the draft" are not only wrong, they're likely to get anyone who tries them into more trouble than he ever thought possible. If you want to really screw up your life, take this turkey's advice!
Now, normally I would just put this guy in the same category of those who believe that Darth Vader is a real person and runs the Catholic Church. (I don't make this stuff up, folks! Click here if you don't believe me.) But I think it's my duty to comment on it for two reasons. The first is, I would hate for any unsuspecting person to face the consequences of taking his really bad advice. Second, I support the United States and its military forces, and I believe it is in everyone's best interest for the cowards and weasels to know what their real options are to avoid military service. As far as I'm concerned, they can stay out of my military, thank you! We don't want any of 'em!
Let me make it clear from the outset that I am not advocating doing anything illegal, or, as a matter of fact, avoiding military service at all. If I had my way, a citizen or resident alien, male or female, would have to complete a tour of duty in the military or other public service before being legally recognized as an adult. If you couldn't walk, we'd pair you up with somebody who couldn't see, and he could push your wheelchair around. Together, the two of you could make one good soldier! Besides, the educational opportunities of service in the US military today are the best deal any young person is likely to get in his or her entire lifetime! If you fail to take advantage of them, it's your loss. But, hey, if you're stupid, you're stupid! Ain't nothing nobody can do about that!
For all you whinybabies out there who are afraid of dying, the fear of getting killed in the military, even in combat, is largely a myth. Of course people get killed in combat. They also get killed in automobile accidents, watching sports events, sitting in their living rooms watching television, or being given a baby bath by their crazy mothers. More Americans were killed by the failure of a recent President to take the corona virus pandemic seriously than were killed in combat in all of WWII! Heck, nobody's going to get out of this alive! The coward dies a thousand deaths; the brave person dies but once!
Another myth is that the military is about to reimpose the draft. The idea is even promoted by politicians, especially the kind that invade the Capitol or believe in Jewish space lasers and devil-worshiping cannibal Democrats. If you can't win, you can always lie! The truth is, the military can't impose the draft. Ever! It takes Congress to do that, and Congress isn't going to do it unless they are convinced that your friends and neighbors really, really want them to. So if there is a draft, and you get out of it somehow, you get to spend your days as a civilian living among people whose sons, daughters, fathers, mothers, brothers and sisters are serving in the military instead of you. Just imagine how popular you're going to be!
My father served his Country honorably as a legitimate conscious objector and civilian government contractor during WWII. Even so, a lot of people misjudged him (and me, as his son) because he hadn't served in uniform. Trust me, you don't want you or your kid to go through that!
Before I suggest to you how you could really avoid the draft, you should probably be advised that anything said about the draft by me or anyone else is pure speculation. There is no draft! If Congress decides to reimpose the draft, they will have to pass a law to that effect, and that law will probably be somewhat different than previous draft laws. In particular, it would very likely take advantage of all the lessons learned from previous draft dodgers, closing loopholes and eliminating the ambiguities that courts had to resolve in previous years. Any court decisions regarding previous draft laws simply won't apply. Keep in mind that it will be written by the world's best lawyers, with input from everybody of any importance anywhere, including the military. It isn't likely to be frustrated by one smarmy, gutless, pusillanimous little dumbass!
Nevertheless, "D. R. Graham Ret. Sci. Instr. & Ret. Mil. Off'r, AUS" thinks he's got the perfect solution to avoiding military service, "just refuse to volunteer." He claims that no one is truly ever "drafted" and must be "seduced" into volunteering."
| Situation: - You receive a "draft notice" and are told to report on a certain date to a certain place where you receive your physical and mental tests...then you are classified with a number indicating whether you are fit for military service and what your priority is for being called.
Subsequently, you are instructed to report for induction into the military and to appear at a certain military base for that purpose on a date specified. By law (probably) you must appear there or a warrant for your arrest will be issued. You report as directed and have another brief physical and tests and then are told to "line up on the yellow line (painted on the floor) Somebody, possible a recruiting officer but probably a sergeant or petty officer will then tell all those joining the military to take one step forward... | ||
| Here's what he thinks you can do to avoid being inducted. | Here's what he thinks would be the result | Here's the real story! |
|---|---|---|
| Those who take the step have just "volunteered." They can't later claim that they were drafted. | The military can claim that nobody was drafted, they all volunteered (as if the military cared one way or the other. If you're in, you're in)! | The "step forward" is to separate those who are being inducted from those standing around watching. Actually, it really isn't necessary Nobody cares what you claim later. Of course you were drafted. You got your draft notice, didn't you? |
| You refuse to "solemnly swear that you will bear true faith and allegiance to the Constitution of the United States of America and will defend it against all enemies foreign and domestic, and will obey the orders of the President and the officers appointed over you, so help you God." | You can legally claim (to a court somewhere, assuming that the case will ever go to court and you can find a lawyer stupid enough to take your case and you can afford to pay him what he's going to charge for losing and that you're not in Iraq or someplace at the time) that you didn't take the oath and therefore really aren't in the military. | You don't really have to take the oath. Nobody cares. Nobody will check. You can silently move your lips, or keep your mouth closed or cross your fingers or whatever. If you were there and took the step forward (or whatever other simple ceremony there was) you're legally a member of the military and they can legally give you just about any order they want. You are legally required to obey, and they are within their legal rights to make you. And, trust me on this, they can make you! |
| You don't step forward or take the oath. | The recruiter will probably say something like, "what's the matter with you, don't you know what 'step forward' means?" | Probably no one will notice that you didn't step forward and just assume you did. You've really got to work at this to get them to notice you. |
| You respond, "sure I do, but I am not volunteering to serve in the military. If you want me you must 'take me' against my will by force!" | All of those who did what they were told will now be excused from the room...and the you will be cajoled with persuasive arguments. | Interestingly, this part is probably true. Recruiters are kindly folks. Heck, they used to be civilians themselves. They will probably try to keep you from making the biggest mistake of your life, but they don't have to! |
| At this point, you are about to take on the entire United States Military, just like Saddam Hussein, the Taliban, Tojo, Mussolini, Hitler, Kaiser Wilhelm, the Kingdom of Spain, the Confederate States of America, and the entire British Empire. Do you really want to do that? They have all the money, they make all the laws, they have all the power and the best lawyers and politicians and judges money can buy! They even pay the cops, for gods' sake! They've got guns! Thermonuclear weapons! What have you got? That's right, zip! Any "rights" you have is what they choose to acknowledge! This guy you're sassing is a US military sergeant or petty officer, the most fearsome adversary in the history of life on earth! He is superbly trained to kill people tougher and smarter than you a couple of times before breakfast! Do you really want to get him hacked off at you? Think about it! | ||
| When nothing works to change your mind you will be called names and insulted, possibly even assaulted by one or more military people present there as witnesses. | Eventually the tormentors will give up and have you arrested on some charge. There is no lawful way that they can make go into the military because of the Constitutional prohibition against "involuntary servitude" | Probably not. If the recruiters are going to do something illegal, they surely won't assemble a gang of witnesses. They'll probably just let you walk out. You just violated the Selective Service Act, a felony, and the police know where you live. The military really doesn't want you; you're more trouble to them than you're worth. |
| One thing to say at this point is what the cops are coached to say on the witness stand: "Am I ordered?" | If the recruiter says No, then obviously you're OK | It doesn't matter. If you were ordered to report for induction and you don't show up or you walk out a civilian, you just committed a felony! |
| If the recruiter says Yes, then you say, "By what authority do you, a military officer, order me, a civilian?" If the recruiter says anything else, repeat the question until you get Yes or No. | The recruiter will say something like, "I order you by the authority of the United States Government." Then you say, "Which clause of the Constitution gives you, a military officer, to order me, a civilian?" | The relevant clause is in Article I, Section 8. Look it up. You were already ordered. The recruiter will probably say something like, "Nope, I'm just giving you a little friendly advice. You really don't want to do this to yourself!" |
| Another thing to say is: "Am I free to go?" | If the recruiter says Yes, then obviously leave. | Smooth move, Ex-Lax! You just committed a felony in front of a bizillion expert hostile witnesses, and they all know where you live. |
| If the recruiter says No, then you say "Am I under arrest? Am I your prisoner? Am I kidnapped? If I'm not free, then what am I?" and again, you keep repeating the question. | The recruiter will scratch his head and say something like, "Duh, gee, I don't know. I, um, well, um, I guess you got me there, fella. Boy, this kid sure is smart, huh, captain?" | Legally, he can arrest you and take you prisoner, or the civilian cops can, or any citizen, military or civilian, can. You just committed a felony before witnesses. Probably, he'll think you're not worth any more of his time and tell you to get out! But you're still in violation of the law, subject to arrest and/or immediate induction. |
| Another thing to say is: "I want an attorney." | Everything will stop while those nice military people find you a smart, handsome, friendly, famous attorney who is so impressed with your courageous stance in defense of your civil rights and the obvious miscarriage of justice to which you have been cruelly subjected that he will take your case pro bono, after which he will achieve a stunning victory in court where you will be carried out in front of live television cameras on the shoulders of adoring fans amid the squeals of beautiful, saucy, love-crazed teenaged girls. | They will probably have a military attorney available who, if asked, will advise you to stop screwing around, but they don't have to let you talk to him. If you are arrested, you have a right to an attorney before your trial, not now. It will be provided free only if you can't afford one. If you've got a car, you can afford one by selling your car, and you can rot in jail until you find someone to help you do that. But criminal rights kick in after you're arrested, not before. At this point, you have challenged the US government in front of impressionable teenaged recruits, and the military now has a definite vested interested in making an example of you. |
A case in point: This Army induction officer instructed the draftees to "take one step forward" as their names were called, and said that step would signify their induction into the Army. When reluctant Willie's name was called, he answered present, but did not step forward. After the ceremony, he went home instead of to camp. When the MP's came for him, he went to court for a writ of habeas corpus to retain his freedom. "The officer himself," Willie argued, "said the step forward is what would make me a soldier. As I didn't take the step, I'm still a civilian and the Army has no claim on me."
The court ruled that the draft law required some definite ceremony to transform a civilian into a soldier. As the Army decided to have one step forward constitute the ceremony, and Willie didn't take the step, he wasn't a soldier.
Smart boy? Think again!
This case was won on appeal. A lower court ruled that Willie was in fact in the Army. Guess how much money Willie and his family spent on lawyers!
This case involved a law in effect in 1954. Korean War era! Things have changed since your Vietnam draft resister heroes found all the loopholes for Congress to plug with the next draft law.
The court ruled only that Willie wasn't a soldier at that moment. It didn't rule that Willie wasn't in violation of existing Selective Service law, or that he couldn't be immediately inducted into a military full of tough old grizzled veterans who just loved the way he put one over on them previously and were eagerly looking forward to demonstrating in some positive way the extent of their admiration for him!
I wonder what ever became of Willie? Do you suppose David Harris knows? What ever happened to David Harris?
As you may know, the function of the military is not necessarily to kill people and break things. The function of the military is to carry out national policy using as much force as required. To do that, the members of the military have to learn to do things they would sometimes rather not. These unpleasant things are communicated by what, in the military, are called orders or commands. The oath of enlistment or commissioning is not intended to magically turn a civilian into a soldier; it is intended to inform the individual taking it what he is getting into and what is expected of him. The oath is for him (or her), not the military: they already know. He (or she) has a right to remain silent as the first step of a long, miserable military experience.
For this reason, one of the first things a military member absolutely must learn is that there are in fact people who have a right to give him orders, and he has a duty to obey them. This relationship is called authority, and is a fundamental element of any organized activity. In the military, it is of paramount importance that soldiers understand implicitly that they must obey all orders from those authorized to give them immediately and without hesitation, no matter what they are. Not only the member's life, but the life of others, possibly the survival of his society, may depend upon this instant and unhesitating obedience. That is why, in the military, failure to obey orders can be (and historically has been) punished by death!
Most people learn about authority from their parents. The parent does the telling and the child does the doing. That's how it works. These people don't have much problem with being ordered to report for induction. They just do it and try to make the best of things. The seniors do the telling and the subordinates do the doing and everyone gets along. Military training is tough, because it is designed to teach a member the difficult, frightening and painful things he needs to learn as quickly and as thoroughly as possible without killing him in the process (usually). Military duty is tougher, and a few people actually don't survive. But their survival is enhanced by the quality of their training. The tougher the training, the safer the duty. Or, as they say at the National Training Center, "Every drop of blood shed here saves a quart on the battlefield!"
For this reason, when the military reluctantly acquires some dumbass civilian who hasn't had good parental training and thinks he knows better than everyone else, who demands rights he doesn't have and refuses to obey lawful orders and sasses sergeants, they realize that it is their sacred duty to give him special attention and extra training to disabuse him of his false and misleading ideas and to resolve his ignorance about who does what to whom when and under which circumstances. This need for special attention will be noted in his military records, and it will no doubt continue to be meted out to him throughout his military career, just to make sure it takes. The military is under no obligation to make it easy for him, or pleasant, or acceptable, only effective. They have to be only reasonably sure it won't kill him, not absolutely sure. Probably the best he can hope for is that he will survive it, even though he will fervently wish otherwise, and even if he doesn't, his early demise, in training or in combat, will remove the danger he poses to his fellows and the nation paying him to defend it. It will be small loss to the military. They can always replace him. The world is full of dumbass civilians!
Now, I don't have a crystal ball, but my feeling is that, if Congress chooses to reimpose the draft, they're going to include language something like: "Any person who shall become immediately subject to involuntary induction as the result of having violated a provision of this act, or of the Selective Service Act, or of any other federal law or regulation, upon being placed in custody of, or taken into custody by, any military service, shall, at that time, become a member of that military service and the armed forces of the United States." What this means is that, even if you somehow fail to join up when you're supposed to, you will instantly become a member of any military service that gets its cold, meaty hands on you. And you can't even imagine the horrible things they're legally permitted to do to you to shape you up!
The wise soldier or sailor or airman or Marine keeps his mind open and his mouth shut, speaks only when spoken to, and does what he's told, because in the military there are no excused for anything! If he gets shot, it will not be by one of his fellows who has decided, in the heat of battle, that having the dumb SOB around screwing things up any more is just too damn dangerous!
With certain exceptions (at this writing, anyway), all men* residing in the United States are required to register for the draft within 30 days of their 18th birthday. If you don't register within 60 days, you're in violation of the Selective Service Act. The penalty for failing to register can be up to five years in jail and/or a fine of up to $250,000. In peacetime, with registration only, the regular maximum penalties are four months and/or $2500. On the other hand, no one has been prosecuted since before 1986, and 90 percent of those were public resisters who got their names in the papers and dared the government to prosecute them. The military calls these people "guardhouse lawyers," which just goes to show how stupid it is to play "chicken" with the military!
* In 1981, the Supreme Court ruled in Rostker v. Goldberg that the practice of requiring only men to register for the draft was constitutional on the basis that women were restricted from serving in combat roles. In 2015, the Pentagon abolished the restrictions on women serving in combat. On February 22, 2019 in National Coalition v. Selective Service, Judge Gray H. Miller of the United States District Court for the Southern District of Texas in the 5th Circuit issued a declaratory judgment that the male-only registration requirement is now unconstitutional, since the restriction on women serving in the military present at Rostker no longer applied. The case did not specify any action that the government must take (for the time being, anyway).
On June 7, 2021, The US Supreme Court chose not to hear an appeal by the National Coalition of Men based on the argument that a gender-based requirement is unlawful sex discrimination. In an accompanying statement, Justices Sonia Sotomayor, Stephen Breyer and Brett Kavanaugh acknowledged that when the draft was originally enacted, women were not eligible for combat roles, a situation that has dramatically changed in modern times. But they noted Congress is currently considering the question of including women in the draft registration. The three justices noted that the Senate Armed Services Committee held a hearing on the matter just months before, where Chairman Jack Reed expressed "the hope" that a broader registration requirement will be "incorporated into the next national defense bill."
"It remains to be seen whether that will actually happen," the three justices said, but "at least for now, the Court's longstanding deference to Congress on matters of national defense and military affairs cautions against granting review while Congress actively weighs the issue."
The Justices also noted that in 2016, Congress created the National Commission on Military, National, and Public Service and tasked it with evaluating the Selective Service System and recommending whether women should be required to register for the draft, or potentially do away with the Selective Service System to avoid the gender inequality issue. The final report of the Commission was released in March of 2020. It contained the following conclusions:
"Ultimately, the Commission determined the time is right to require women to register with Selective Service. This policy change represents a necessary - and overdue - step that is in the best interests of the United States. Requiring all Americans to register with the Selective Service System is needed to ensure that during a national emergency, the Government would be able to call on the talents of all Americans and demonstrate the resolve of a united country."
"The next time America must turn to a draft, it will need to include everyone who is capable and qualified. It would be harmful to the Nation's security to leave out the skills and talents of half of the U.S. population. Some of the voices the Commission heard from argue that the decision to register women should be delayed until the time of the next draft. But waiting until the moment when the Nation must exercise that contingency would undermine the preparations required to successfully insure against inadequate military strength. Building a robust, efficient draft contingency plan requires the immediate implementation of difficult policy decisions - such as extending registration to women."
At present, all required registrants born after December 31, 1959, who aren't registered with Selective Service don't qualify for Federal student loans or grant programs or federal job training. This includes Pell Grants, College Work Study, Guaranteed Student/Plus Loans, National Direct Student Loans, and the Job Training Partnership Act. If you arrived in the US before your 26th birthday and didn't register, you can't become a citizen. In Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, Colorado, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Idaho, Illinois, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, Missouri, New Hampshire, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, Ohio, Oklahoma, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Virginia, West Virginia, Wisconsin, the Commonwealth of the Northern Mariana Islands, the Virgin Islands, and the District of Columbia, you can't lawfully get a driver's license, either, because getting one automatically registers you for Selective Service. For the latest information regarding state laws involving registration, click here.
If you don't register before you turn 26, you will not be allowed to register at all, even if you change your mind later. You'd then be permanently barred from state and federal benefits, unless the states, Congress or the courts act to change the law. You know they're going to do that if they just legislated a draft!
Some people think that not registering is the most likely way to prevent you from being drafted. Between 250,000 and 2 million men reportedly did not register for the draft during the Vietnam War. Also, some claim that forty percent of the men who are required to register for the draft don't register in the sixty-day time period required by law. At least one or two percent still haven't registered by the time they are twenty.
At age 26 they are no longer allowed to register. The number of permanent non-registrants therefore increases daily. Thus, at least 300,000 people, perhaps a million, have become permanent non-registrants. The government isn't going to send all of them to jail! Besides, jail isn't so bad! Heck, you might become somebody's lover there. Hey, it's better than getting shot at, right?
Guess again, Mister Dumbass!
The list of registrants the Selective Service maintains is that of law-abiding young men (and maybe women) who follow the rules and are entitled to be treated fairly by whatever process Congress sets up with the next draft. It may be a lottery. It may be something else. Whatever it is, the Selective Service registrants will be called when their number comes up, and not before, and they'll be given every consideration if they apply for an exemption or a deferment.
There are other lists, too. If you have ever gotten a social security card, or been claimed as an exemption on someone's income tax or received federal aid of any kind, or gone to a public school, the federal government knows who you are and how old you are, and what your last known address was. The only people the government doesn't know about are certain migrant workers, but they're exempt anyway because of extreme family hardship!
So war happens and The People convince Congress to pass a new draft law. All those little lists get fed into this giant computer at the IRS, which takes about 3.2 seconds to come up with one big list of all those who should have registered. This gets compared with the Selective Service list of people who did register, and list two gets subtracted from list one. The remainder, list three, contains the name and last known address of each and every required registrant born or allowed to permanently reside in the United States or its possessions who actually didn't register and who is therefore immediately subject to involuntary induction!
Heck, with 300,000 to a million immediate inductees like you, they probably won't even have to call up those other people!
Congratulations, Private Dumbass!
So, being the clever person that you are, you decide to move and don't tell the Selective Service as provided by law. They can't get you if they can't find you, right? Yeah, right! "Immediately subject to involuntary induction" again. Now you're at the top of the list! But this time they have to go find you. They like that! Don't use a credit card! Don't get arrested! Don't register for college or go to work for a large corporation or get any kind of a financial loan. Don't apply for a drivers' license. Don't buy a house or a car or a boat or a motorcycle! Don't try to cash a check anywhere. Big Brother is watching, and you're already on his list!
Well, maybe you can claim conscientious objector status.
In order to successfully claim conscientious objector status, you have to actually be a conscientious objector. Thinking you are, saying you are, pretending you are or believing you are doesn't count. You faith will not save you, only good works. If you can show that you are, in fact, a practicing Mennonite or a Quaker or an Amish person or a Franciscan monk, you can probably get yourself classified 1-O (Conscientious Objectors to All Military Service) and get yourself assigned as a civilian worker in a hospital or nursing home somewhere. The government will even train you, which is not such a bad deal. Or they might just let you off the hook. If you are a practicing member of some other faiths (Seventh Day Adventists and Jehovah's Witnesses come to mind, but I could be wrong), you may be able to get classified 1-A-O (Conscientious Objectors Available for Noncombatant Military Service Only), but that only gets you out of shooting people, not being the shootee. If you're really one of those people, you'll jump at the chance to risk your life in the service of your misguided brethren. Talk to your clergy. If you don't know who your pastor or other clergy person is, or if he or she doesn't know you, you're probably screwed!
You are definitely screwed if the church you belong to has military chaplains, or if you have ever been convicted of a violent crime, or of anything having to do with being drunk or using illegal drugs. If you have, there is a legal document somewhere that is essentially proof positive that you are not a practicing member of those non-violent, law-abiding, upstanding religions, and the Selective Service people are very, very good at finding those documents. Even if you somehow manage to take advantage of 1-O or 1-A-O status, you could get reclassified if your conviction becomes known. You would then probably be reassigned to combat duty, and all your sergeants or petty officers will know how they got you and why. Good luck!
True to form, the draft protester advisors suggest that if you haven't had a chance to screw with the military yet, you should screw with Selective Service instead. Take advantage of what opportunities you have. They like that! Really! Unlike military people, who deal with real recruits on a daily basis and recognize that turning a raw, reluctant recruit into a mean, green, fighting machine can be interesting, challenging, rewarding and fun, Selective Service people deal with boring forms and paperwork drudgery and anonymous names on a lifeless list. Becoming personally acquainted with a real, honest to goodness US government certified dumbass really brightens their day. They are likely to give him their personal attention!
So the advisors tell you to keep copies of everything. Give them to a friend just in case you get snatched away in the middle of the night. Record telephone conversations. Never accept mail unless it's registered, and send only registered mail with return receipts to the Selective Service board. Make things hard for them! Write things across their forms with a big, red magic marker. Inundate your local board with forms and memos and applications for special consideration. Appeal everything you don't agree with. Have your attorney send them stuff, too. Maybe talk to your congressman or senator. They just love getting congressional mail!
Keep in mind that if you even once fail to follow the absolute letter of the law (which they know and you don't), you are immediately subject to involuntary induction, and you just know that they're going to overlook your little transgression and assume you didn't mean it and give you the benefit of the doubt!
Congratulations, Private Dumbass!
Now, here's how I think you can avoid the coming draft. Not that I think there's ever going to be a draft, you understand, but you never know. My feeling, as noted in the foregoing, is that Congress will find it impossible to pass a law that gives men the opportunity of involuntarily serving in the military but not women. I suspect that the ladies will be forthcoming in expressing their opinions to their representatives in Congress if the subject ever comes up, Maybe they will want to be drafted and the problem will just go away. I don't really know more about it than anyone else does. If you want to know what my credentials are for the following speculation, click here. For current public opinion on women and the draft, click here.
By the way, forget about going to Canada. The Canadians don't want you. They closed that door long ago. If they find you, they'll just send you back here. If you're a citizen of some other country, either a resident alien or a dual citizen, now would be a good time to go home - and stay there! Even if you aren't a citizen of anyplace else, if there is an ancestral homeland somewhere where everybody looks like you, you have a good chance of getting lost in the crowd if you can manage to get there and not make yourself conspicuous. If it's a country that doesn't keep track of its citizens, require much in the way of public contribution or have good communication systems, so much the better. Just don't plan to come back when the war's over. If you drop off the grid, the feds will be looking for you forever!
I'm assuming at this point that you are not deferred because you're an officer in the Public Health Service or a military academy cadet or midshipman. These people are deferred for the time being, but probably can't count on getting out of military (or PHS) service entirely.
The Selective Service System has a handy website to help you through the registration and claims processes. I suggest you check it out now, and periodically until you turn 28. Whenever you read somewhere that the draft is about to be reinstituted, check it out again.
First of all, keep a low profile. Don't screw with the Selective Service (DUH!) Register like a good little boy (or girl). Don't attract attention by getting arrested or involved in any kind of demonstration. (The First Amendment doesn't say you have to demonstrate, only that you can if you want to. But you have to take the consequences! It's your future! The first brick thrown or shot fired, regardless of which side does it, turns a legal demonstration into an illegal riot, and you definitely don't want to be one of the arrested rioters!)
Second, find an attorney who is well versed in Selective Service Law. First you have to find an attorney, then find out from that attorney who the Selective Service expert is, and then go see him (or her). They aren't all that common, and they certainly aren't cheap. But they're worth every penny! Ask up front what their retainer is and pay both of them. Mortgage something; borrow the money; sell your car! This isn't going to be cheap, but you're talking the rest of your life, here! Always be honest and up front with your attorney, and never, never lie. He or she can't be forced to divulge anything you have said, and can't help if they don't know the whole story. See the attorney early, before you register, if possible, and find out what forms you need to submit, where they should be sent, and what records to keep. Don't rely on some draft resisters' website. They don't even know you, and you don't know who they are. Whom are you going to call if it turns out the organization whose advice you were taking was actually run by some lunatic mother who is looking for someone to punish because her son died in the Army? They're out there! Check CNN Headline News! Cindy Sheehan doesn't really speak for you unless your native language is Bitch!
Third, talk to your clergy. If you actually are a conscientious objector because of your religion, that would be good to know. (As I said before, If you don't know your clergy, or if they don't know you, you're probably screwed, but it can't hurt to set up an appointment. The worst they can do is tell you to go away!) Maybe they can help you. If not, check out the Internet or look in the telephone book under Churches - Amish, Buddhist, Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, Jehovah's Witnesses, Mennonite, Seventh Day Adventist, Society of Friends. Talk to these people face to face. Find out if you can join them, and what it takes to get them to help you stay out of the military.
If they agree to help you, really get into it. Get baptized (or whatever)! Become a missionary, preferably in Ghana or Chad. (Make sure you notify your draft board if you leave the country. SSS form 2, available at the post office, is probably the one to use. Check to be sure!) Spread the Gospel message! Keep in mind your draft board may want you to prove you really are a conscientious objector. Build up the proof now! If you wait until you receive your draft notice, it's too late!
If you can, join the clergy. Actual ministers are classified 4-D, but even students studying for the ministry (seminarians) are 2-D (deferred). Your deferment will probably last until you graduate, unless you flunk out. For this to work, you have to be a real student, really enrolled in a real seminary, officially sponsored by a real, recognized religious organization with real clergy and real churches having real congregations who really meet regularly for worship. Enrolling by e-mail in the Mount Pisgah Missionary Draft Resisters' Seminary and Center for Paranormal Research won't do you any good, and in fact may motivate your local Selective Service board to take a personal interest in you. You don't want that!
Of course, you can possibly get a vital job in a critical industry. My Amish-raised father got out of World War II that way. He was an inspector in an ammunition packing plant. Good thing, too, because he kept my butt from being blown up in Vietnam by the ammunition he inspected. If it looks like there is about to be a draft, and you're likely to become a draftee, start looking in the want ads, and perhaps talk to an employment agency. If your employer really needs you for the war effort, he'll be happy to do what's necessary to keep you in his plant and out of the military.
If your clergy can't help and you don't have a critical civilian skill, perhaps you can marry a disadvantaged single mother of children with special needs. Seriously. You can get deferred because of hardship to dependents (3-A) essentially forever. Maybe your clergy can put you in touch with the right people. If they couldn't get you conscientious objector status, they owe you one. Look in the telephone book under Pregnancy Counseling. Maybe you can find a nice girl whose father kicked her out and whose bun is still in the oven. They tend to be young, reasonably attractive, and more than normally affectionate. They aren't always very bright, but who marries for brains nowadays? But she can't just be pregnant. Lots of women are pregnant. Some of them are even in the military themselves! She needs to be pregnant in such a way that anyone with half a brain can see that she really, actually needs you to be at home with her instead of Iraq, or basic training, or wherever. I don't claim this is easy.
According to current rules, which will undoubtedly change if a draft is reimposed, you can't file a claim for exemption or deferment unless and until you actually receive an order to report for induction. Then you have 10 days or more to check the little box requesting reclassification and send it back to the Selective Service office you got it from. See your attorney right away! At this point, things are getting hot! If you think you are entitled to a reclassification or a postponement or a deferment or an exemption, you submit the form and the Selective Service people will postpone your induction and send you some more forms, which they will use to consider your claim.
Check with our attorney about whether you should mail the forms or take them in personally. At this point, your number has already come up, and it might be a good idea for them to see what a nice young person you are, how cheery and sincere. I've always felt that if you can fake sincerity successfully, you're ahead of the competition.
If you have filed for a deferment or an exemption, the Selective Service people will consider your claim, and may ask for additional information, a personal interview, or witnesses. Make sure you discuss everything with your attorney and do exactly what he says. You've got a lot riding on what you do or fail to do at this point.
The Selective Service will notify you of their decision. If they tell you to report for induction, you can still appeal. You need an attorney at this point. Basically, you can get an postponement until your appeal is processed. Resist the urge to do something stupid!
But what happens if you've exhausted all appeals and you are ordered to report for induction and your attorney agrees that you have to and you still don't want to? Well, then, my friend, you have to make some tough decisions. Very tough decisions! All I can say is, they won't take you if you're in jail, or in prison, or in intensive care, or seriously crippled, or minus a limb or two, or blind, or dead!
Like I said, tough decisions!
Good luck!