The Colbert Questionert
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On his "Late Show with Stephen Colbert," Mr. Colbert claims that answering his fifteen "Colbert Questionert" interview questions will make the respondent as famous as Tom Hanks, Meryl Streep or George Clooney! Here are mine:
1. Best sandwich? - Oreo Double Stuff Golden Sandwich.
2. What's one thing you own that you really should throw out? - Whatever is currently in the bottom of my garbage can.
3. What is the scariest animal? - at the moment, Donald Trump.
4. Apples or oranges?- Apples, of course. Orange computers are only software.
5. Have you ever asked someone for their autograph? - Yes, but the question should be "his or her autograph." "Someone" is a singular pronoun. "Their" is a plural adjective.
6. What do you think happens when we die? - We rot and stink. (See question #9)
7. Favorite action movie? - Lord of the Rings, Return of the King.
8. Favorite smell? - Beth Feehan - The Freshman Sweetheart my junior year in college always smelled like lilacs and baby powder. Mmmmmmm!
9. Least favorite smell? - Dead people left for two weeks in a Vietnamese jungle.
10. Exercise: worth it? - For lazy people, probably.
11. Flat or sparkling? - Sparkling, of course. Who wants dull friends?
12. Most used app on your phone? - The one that charges it.
13. You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life: what is it? - "Don't Worry, Be Happy."
14. What number am I thinking of? - Whatever equals "A."
15. Describe the rest of your life in 5 words? - "I haven't lived it yet."